Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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