I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
