How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
