I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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