So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
