She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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