her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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