4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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