he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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