I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
