i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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