Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Less talking, more tequila
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
