You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
