Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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