the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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