You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
