I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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