my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
