What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
