Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
