I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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