I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
