put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
