onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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