I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
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