I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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