im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
