When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
