I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
