wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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