My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
