hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
