I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He had one of those small greek statue penises
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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