made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
