Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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