The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
