I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
