But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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