when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
