he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
