home. puking in laundry basket.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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