I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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