either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
