i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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