we're blogging at a bar
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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