ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
