Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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