Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
