Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
