if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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