The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
