I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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