You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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