we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
