haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
