How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
