Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
