I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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