I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
