I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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