Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
