Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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