lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
