I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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