im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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