Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
