I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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