That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
