my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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