You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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