my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
