I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
