maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
