I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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