If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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