I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
