she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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