I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
