sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
